Friday, May 29, 2009

Sexuality Part II

"Can I just say as the mother of sons.... It takes two to tango. And anyone who would say that having boys is better, or easier than having girls just doesn't get it. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my boys, and I'm proud to say that they are find young men.) Do they think our boys are lusting after every girl just because they have a - *GASP* dare I say it PENIS - ??? PLEASE. It takes just as much energy and time and parenting skill to teach a young boy to be honorable and keep it in his pants as it does to teach a young girl to not put themselves on display, to dress modestly, and to keep their legs together. "

"Can I voice my opinion? :) As another Christian parent, I'm already praying for my daughters' purity and for them to meet Godly men to marry. And in the meantime, I am going to teach them about sexuality, but also about being modest and pure."

I'm posting the comments to my previous post here because I want to comment on the comments, but not in the "comment" section! 
First, I just want to say thanks for the feedback! I love to get people thinking about this topic, and when you get kind of fired up, it just means you have strong beliefs. I think that's awesome. Please don't think you're going to offend me by leaving comments or even disagreeing with what I say. I've developed a pretty tough skin being in my profession! :) Also, my opinions are what they are. I'm not so arrogant to think that they are always right or that they will always stay the same. They aren't the same as they were three years ago, and certainly aren't the same as 8 or 10 years ago. And I fully accept that my opinions (especially on this topic) tend to be more liberal than most (Christian) people's, and I'm okay with that. 
Paula- I totally agree! I think part of the point I was trying to make is that it isn't any easier to raise boys than girls. It's not a gender issue! 

I think what gets me is that I feel that there is so much shame wrapped into the sexuality issue, especially when it is taught in the Christian homes. I feel good to say that it wasn't this way in my home growing up, or even in my youth group. Where I started feeling the pressure of sexuality and shame was at Bible college. Anyone who has been to a conservative Christian school will understand what I'm talking about, or even if you were brought up in an ultra-conservative church. There is so much pressure put on girls to remain "pure" and be modest that girls are terrified to express any sexuality at all, lest it cause a brother to "stumble." I don't think that's fair. It's not fair to put the responsibility of a man sinning on the actions of women. I feel we should have the right to be who we are without the uncertainty or shame of causing another to sin. 

I do understand that men are stimulated differently than women. I get that. But I also think every person, man or woman, has to be responsible for their thoughts, actions, etc. 

I think the problem with the way we teach purity is that we expect girls to be demure, burlap-covered, non-sexual creatures until their wedding night. Until that point, thinking about, fantasizing, touching, and any kind of sexual "temptation" is 100% wrong. Shameful. Sinful. Then the veil is lifted and we are expected to please our husbands in any way they need or want. But it doesn't work that way, does it? There's no magic switch we can turn that undoes 20+ years of the opposite teaching.

And the same goes for guys! I've talked with so many young (and older) men that struggle with being intimate with their wives because as a child there was so much shame associated with masturbation or wet dreams (can I say that here?). And Christian young men have had it drilled into their heads that "you don't lust", and consequently have a difficult time being okay with lusting after their own wife. 

So anyway, I'm not saying that we tell them it's okay to lust. And I don't pretend to have all the answers about how it should be done. But I know there's got to be a better way than how it is right now. I see too many people who can not reconcile Christianity and sexuality to think that Christian parents are doing a good job of this. That's all I'm trying to say.


Tera said...

Oh Lyns, I love your honesty and that's why I knew I could leave you a comment on the topic. ;) I do agree with some of what you are's hard for people to suppress things for years and then turn on the switch, I get that. I am conservative in my beliefs though and take the Bible for what it says... I'm not going as far as the Duggers though...wearing clothes to swim in. I own my fair share of string bikinis. ;) (There is a time and a place for them too though.) I do very much believe though in purity before marriage, but I'll talk to my girls about how wonderful their intimate relationship can be with their husbands.

Jason and Lisa Jones said...

thanks for talking about this on your blog.

Rock 'n Roll Momma© said...

i have a son and i've never heard of this argument...i always heard boys are harder to raise because they're wild and rambunctious and messy and such. i think people who want to compare who has it "harder" are just odd...each kid comes with their own set of ups and downs, and each parent will find different areas that they think are harder or easier.

as parents we just have to teach a healthy Bible-based view of sex and make sure our kids have positive role models and influences. girls don't need to look up to britney spears, and boys don't need to look up to whatever guys are out there acting similarly.

my parents didn't teach me anything about sex or the changes i was going thru...i had to find out elsewhere. i don't look forward to teaching my kids about topics that were considered embarrassing and unspoken in my house, but i want them to get a healthy view of it.

i agree with you about Bible college really didn't help matters at all!

Melissa Wisley said...

When Joe and I were working at a church in Anderson Joe was teaching a junior high sunday school class and one boy asked him about sex. All Joe said was, "Sex is a wonderful thing that I love to share with my wife, so wait until you are married and God will bless you with it." Well, his mother approached Joe and told him she didn't want her son to know that sex felt good and that he should look forward to it. Shame Shame on that mother.