Thursday, December 10, 2009

New Challenges

I'd be lying if I didn't say life hasn't been challenging lately. Being pregnant with a toddler is kicking my butt. There are some days I sit back and think- "I'm not strong enough for this!" Some days I wish I could just enroll her in daycare full time and be selfish with my time (not that we could really afford that, but hey, its a daydream!). And I know people do this ALL THE TIME... I mean, how many siblings are 1-2 years apart?? I'm ridiculous to think that this is harder for me than it is for others... the only thing that gives me hope is that when I wasn't pregnant, I was confident in my ability to have 2 children. So I know that I won't always feel like this- cranky, irritable, tired, unmotivated... but it's just difficult right now. 

The cold weather makes it hard to get outside and burn off toddler-energy... which doesn't help matters! She gets bored, she gets whiny and cranky herself, then I find myself getting shorter and shorter with her as the day goes on. I hate that, and every night I pray for forgiveness and the  strength to do it better the next day. I pray these prayers with Annabel at night, because I want her to know that I am humbling myself before God and that's okay. I want her to see my weakness, because that is relationship. I don't want her to think that she always has to be strong, and if I can't model that myself, where else is she going to learn it? Plus, I don't want her to think that I think it's okay the way I treat her when I feel badly. 

Last night she was having a rough night, so Derek brought her into bed with us. It melts my heart to hear my husband say, "can't she just sleep with us tonight?" Annabel's never been a great sleeper... I keep hoping we'll get better luck with number 2! :) She is such a snuggle-bug, and I don't know where she gets this. Derek and I specifically got a king-size bed just so we would have our own sleeping space and wouldn't have to touch each other all night! Then along comes baby, and she sleeps best only when she has about 20 points of contact with another person! If I sleep facing her, she puts both arms around my neck, intertwines her legs with mine and breathes into my face all night. If I roll over, she contours her body around mine and reaches her arm over me and wants to hold my hand. And forget her sleeping on her own pillow. I'll push her over to the middle to her pillow and within 5 minutes she's back in the middle of mine! Exhausting! I mean really, about 5 nights out of 7 she sleeps in her own bed, and all night long, so I really have nothing to complain about... I'm just wondering where she gets this cuddle gene. She's been like this since day one, so it's not an environment thing. 

Anyway. I was also going to post about some of the funny things she has said lately. In the last month or so, her vocabulary has really exploded and it is so funny some of the things she says! And she gets really frustrated if she can't think of the word for something or if I don't understand what she's saying. 
*The other day I got a big box from the UPS man and she was standing behind me. She gasped and exclaimed, "My dirtbike!"
*She was talking on her flip hairbrush and said, "Hewwo, daddy? I need more cookies and candy. Uh-huh. Bye"
*After getting dressed the other day she twirled around for me and said, "cute!"
*"Mommy? I go to Noni's house." (Me:) "Honey, it's too late. Noni's already gone nightnight." "Okay, I go to Baby Eden's house" (Me:) "Well, you're probably right, Baby Eden is probably still awake... but you can't trick me that way!" "I twick you, mommy"
*"Mommy? I want roni-cheese for supper" (Me:) "Well I was going to make eggs for supper." "Why?" (Me:) "Well, because they sounded good to me. But I'll make you macaroni and cheese if that's what you want." "Tanks, mommy."
*(From the bathtub) "Mommmy! The soap hurted me!"  I go in to discover several bite marks in the soap- yuk!
*(While making cookies the other day) "I hold the egg....oops...messy" (I should have used my better judgement about that one!)
*And of course, several times a day, which is not so much funny as irritating- "no, mommy! Go away, mommy! Go AWAAAAAAY!!!" This is usually when I'm trying to help her put on her shoes, underwear or pants. Fine. Just wear them inside out and backwards, see if I care!

There are so many more, but I can't think of any right now! 


lilmack3562 said...

SOOOO totally symapthize and can relate. I thought we were ready too until the pregnancy actually came. I'm praying it's fatigue and hormones, and keep telling myself there are more good days than bad and I can do it! Well I have to at this point don't I :cP! Anyhow, Just wait a couple more months for a short window of more energy and you can feel the baby move. It's still not easy, but it makes it a little better. I am definitely to the point of "ok, get here already!" for baby #2. Looking forward to seeing you guys soon!

Melissa Wisley said...

Wanna hang out next week sometime? I am planning on having everyone over on Monday morning but if you want to hang out another day just you, me and the kids let me know. If you need a few hours to yourself I will watch A for you too.